Loss After Birth
It can hit so hard yet be so unexpected. How come no one ever warned that this could happen? How come no one ever mentions it? Such an overwhelming feeling that something is gone. Something so important has been whisked away, with a new stage of life to take it's place. So much loss can be hardly accepted with so much gain. But it is there.
Real and alive.
And yet it won't last forever. The loss after giving birth.
Having a baby can be a beautiful experience that may treasure for years to come. With that environment of joy though, many can find it hard to identify and admit to their concurrent losses. With such a big change some form of loss is bound to happen. Many times, some form of grief can happen with these recent changes. New Birth Services recognizes that and want’s to assure that it is very normal and okay to feel like you have lost something. Here are some examples of the kinds of loss someone can experience after having a baby:
1. Loss of Pregnancy – You might think that that is an easy guess, but you might not understand the impact that it can have on a mother. Pregnancy is an enjoyable time that women can take some time getting used to. Once the woman accepts it, many times she embraces it fully and takes on all the joys and pains that come with it. Towards the end, the weight of pregnancy is felt greatly (both physically and emotionally) and though some are ready for it to be over, the fast transition of only a few hours, it can take some time to get used to again and adjust to her new self. This quick change is not only the loss of a bigger belly, but it is also the adjustment of new functions, such as breastfeeding, that the woman must now take on and get used to as well.
2. Loss of Attention – Accompanying the loss of pregnancy is the loss of attention. During pregnancy, the woman gets lots of attention by family, friends, her husband, doctors, and people around her. After the baby is born the attention suddenly shifts to the baby and many times the mother can be placed on the back burner. This can leave the mother feeling less important or as if she must attend to her own needs, as well as those of the baby, from now on.
3. Loss of an Experience – Many women go into labor and childbirth with some type of wishes for their birth experience. They will write out a birth plan, take preparation classes, ready books, and practice their relaxation techniques in hopes of achieving their desired birth. While these can help, if the desires experience isn’t achieved, or something close to it, this can be difficult time for the mother. They might feel like their effort was for nothing, that their wishes were not taken into account, or that their opinion didn’t matter. It does matter and it’s okay to grieve your loss.
4 Loss of Pre-Parenting Life – Many people desire to have children and raise them, but don’t always realize how it affects the rest of their life until the baby has arrived. Your sleep habits have been affected, your social life gets even smaller, work schedules become different, and your freedom is less as this new baby depends on you. This is a big adjustment for all areas of life that can affect someone greatly.
This is just a sample of what new parents can lose after the arrival of a baby. Many other things can be included, such as loss of a professional identity, loss of intimacy with partner, loss of control, loss of pre-pregnancy body, loss of time, and loss of financial freedom. These feelings are absolutely real and normal New Birth Services wants to say that it is okay to feel loss and it is okay to grieve.
You have permission.